Kenya 2009 - Part 5

It’s All So Surface…


I was in a meeting today with a Kenyan woman from our area. She had called to meet with me over some issues pertaining to some children she knows.

After we got the business stuff discussed and dealt with, I felt myself looking at her, on a deeper level. I found myself saying, with all sincerity and compassion, “You know, if you ever want to get together for tea and just talk, share things, I would love to do that.” And in that moment her body language changed; her shoulders sank down, she clasped my hands and smiled this beautiful smile. She said, “You don’t know how much that means for me to hear that. It’s difficult being a pastor’s wife, you know.”

Although I’m not a pastor’s wife, I knew what she meant…having to live up to certain expectations, being under a telescope by the congregation and people of the town. She explained that although she loves helping and encouraging others, very rarely does she get to let out her frustrations, her hurts, her pains and her struggles because so often people are sharing theirs with her. And should she want to share, how quickly could it be spread among, first the congregation and second around the town?

And so I offered my ear, my confidentiality, my friendship to her….and she was incredibly thankful.

Also, during this meeting time, I noticed a couple with a small child sitting at the table beside us. At first, I noticed the child, a little girl about eight or nine months old but as I looked more closely at the couple, I noticed the complete separation of the two. They didn’t speak to one other. The husband was on the phone talking and when he wasn’t on the phone, he was holding his daughter, talking to her. The wife sat there, like a piece of furniture. Neither one of them engaged the other in conversation.

It saddened me because this is how friendship has become…everywhere. We’ve become all surface in our relationships and friendships today. We lack the foundation, the communication, the honesty that comes with them.

I looked up on the internet for a definition of friendship; there were so many but this one, this one I really liked:

Friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring all right out just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful friendly hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping and, with a breath of comfort, blow the rest away.
Source: A Life for a Life

When the pastor’s wife told me that she lacks the honest friendships due to fear that her “issues” will arise in the congregation, I understood her fear. Things like gossip, judgment, competition and jealousy have destroyed friendships. We cannot trust our “closest” friends because we fear that 1) they will tell others or 2) they will judge us for our issues.

We tend to not want to grow into friendships with others because we are jealous of what they have and therefore bitterness enters our hearts. Or we decide it’s better to compete against them, rather than run along side them.

This is what has continually broken down the body of Christ. The people we should be able to trust the most are the ones that we end up trusting the least. Jesus said, “My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:12-13). And what have we done – the opposite. Rather than laying down our lives for our friends, we’ve pushed our friends in front of the moving vehicle, allowing them to become the targets. The targets of gossip, judgment, competition and jealousy.

I’ve seen the ramifications of the “Singles Club”, the “Dating Club”, the “Married Club”, the “Married with Children Club”. And everyone who doesn’t fit whatever category at whatever time in their life is left out. Friendship isn’t a club, it’s a relationship. And unfortunately for those “clubs”, they could be missing out on some amazing people to have a relationship with. And the damage it does to the ones being “left out”…the mistrust, the insecurities, the loneliness…and the destruction of The Body.

Then there are the people that call everyone in their life, their best friend and it usually turns out that “You’re everybody’s best friend but nobody’s real friend.” It’s just a popularity contest; we want everyone to like us, to be the welcome committee, to be party central but at the end of it all, there’s no quality, only quantity. And that is where the realness of who we could be to each other becomes non-existent.

I’m tired of surface friendships. I miss the intimate friendships; the ones that you can be who you are, in seriousness and silliness and know that not a moment of gossip or judgment will enter. This can be a lonely world and at times a girl needs girlfriends and the guy needs male-bonding time. And wouldn’t it be a better place if we could remove the quantity and stick to the quality.

Friendship is a personal relationship shared between each friend for the welfare of the other….it is the relationship of trust, faith and concern for each others feelings. It is a relationship of mutual caring and intimacy among one another. A friend is one who knows you as a person and regards you for what you are and not what he or she is looking to get. [They] are ones who accept the good as well as the bad qualities of his friend also takes an initiative in correcting and mending them. Friendship is the distinctive kind of concern for your friend, it is a relationship of immense faith and love for each other…A true friend does not consist of a huge number of friends you keep but it is valued by its worth and capability to hold you and stand by you in all phases of life.
Source: http://ezinearticles.com/?Definition-of-Friendship---A-Few-Facts&id=1267049

Kenya 2009 - Part 4

It Strikes Again

As per my previous post, we have been celebrating and continually praying for Lina’s results of HIV to remain negative.

On Tuesday, we found out that one of our other children at our children’s home, is HIV positive…something we never even thought or considered to be a possibility.

A few weeks ago, we noticed that, Veronica had been losing weight and not feeling well. Last Saturday, she showed some sores that she had on her body. It had been alarming all of us, her weight loss and now the sores on her body. So on Tuesday, the home manager took Veronica to the district hospital and when she was being examined, they decided to give her an HIV test…which came out positive.

The home manager brought Veronica (along with Lina and Susan) over to our house after the visit to the hospital and told us the news. Daniel, Sean and I just looked around at each other – all of us thinking the same thing and all of us fighting to hold back the tears.

I called Veronica over, put her on my lap and held her. I didn’t want to let her go. There in the other room was Lina, with so much energy and laughter, almost like she feels the HIV is gone and here on my lap is Veronica, exhausted, sad and sick.

So in the moments of excitement and anticipation for Lina, there are moments of heartbreak and sadness for Veronica.

So we pray! We pray for the same for Veronica that we are praying for Lina. That’s all we can do for now: cover Veronica with not only hugs, kisses and love but with prayer too.

Kenya 2009 - Part 3

Still Negative

There have been many days when I have wanted to sit down and write but there’s nothing. My fingers just wouldn’t type or I would just leave my computer and do something else. There have been many nights when I would lie awake and think that I needed to write but when morning came, again nothing. I’ve had so much to write, yet feel like I’ve had nothing to say.

The Stawski’s have left and are back in Canada, hopefully getting back in to some sort of routine. Our friend Dave, from Reno, left yesterday evening on a flight from Kitale to Nairobi and left late last night on his flight to head back to the US.

Daniel arrived back in Kenya safe and sound, a little over a week ago. And Sean and I are doing great; still in the honeymoon stage and loving the time we have together. For those inquiring minds that want to know….there is no baby yet so you can stop taking bets. :-) I’m learning to release it to God; that His timing is perfect on when a baby will arrive (and we’ve only been married for three months!) so, please release it to God and rely on His timing too! :-)

On a sadder note, one of our sponsored children was raped in April, by a neighbour. There are some legal investigations going on so I can’t speak much about it but I do ask that you pray for this girl. She is 13 years old and is having a very difficult time. For some of us ladies, we can understand the emotions she is going through and we can know just what to pray for. Once the legal issues are over, she will be moved to a safer location. If I can keep you posted regarding this young girl, I certainly will.

Now on a better update. It’s about Lina/Linda (side note for you….her name is really Lina but we’ve called her Linda…but I will start just referring her to Lina). The many tests done on her for HIV are still coming up negative; the disease is somehow still “gone”. They have run a whole other set of tests and the results should be available in the next few weeks. If these tests come up negative as well, then they won’t run tests on her again for another three months. If those tests (in three months time) are negative, then they will wait another three months and run the last set of tests again. If those tests come up negative, then she will be cleared of having HIV. This, my friends, is our prayer!!!!

The last few weeks of seeing Lina, she has been full of life and energy. She runs around and plays. Last week, she curled up on my lap and fell asleep from the exhaustion of just doing kid things. It’s wonderful to see her with this new breath of life and we can only pray that this continues that she will live to be a young woman, a wife, and an old woman, full of energy, fun and love.

It’s good being back in full swing here although I feel like I desperately need a vacation. Being in Canada for two months was great but it wasn’t really a vacation; planning a wedding took a lot of work. J But if a vacation is to come, it needs to be pretty much in the next four weeks as the rest of the year is quite a busy one.

We have a youth team from Sean’s and my church coming in June for a little over a week. Then a friend of mine (don’t know if it’s still not out in the open yet so I wont’ give the person’s name) is coming to Kenya, around the time the youth team is leaving and then we have another team coming about a week after the youth team leaves. August is my busy month because its sponsor’s update month and then September our Internship Program begins. We will have a packed program this fall and it looks like it will be a great group. I’m excited for it…for the big group of community to start again.

Please continue to keep us, Daniel, Sean and me, in your prayers. They can always be used…and sometimes much needed.

Love to all!