Time to release...

As most of you have been reading Daniel’s blogs, you can get the sense of calmness in Kenya. Things are SLOWLY getting back to normal. Minus the fact of armed police and soldiers roaming our streets. Minus the constant rumors that things can go crazy at any moment. Minus the fact that some of our friends have gone back to their “tribal” part of the country until things…cool down??? Whenever that is!

My heart aches; I feel a heaviness, a burden, a sadness and I can’t seem to shake it. I had a good crying session the day Daniel was back, safe in Kitale and Faith was on the plane heading back to the US. I had another decent few minutes crying session the night I heard Tony running for his life, while on the phone with him. I’ve cried a few tears, not much, since then but that’s it. But I know there is more there; I know that there is this overwhelming emotional sensation in me right now. All I want to do is sob, but I can’t. It’s like I’m not ready to yet.

I pray; I’ve prayed so much for this country, for these people, for the beautiful, helpless children and I don’t know what to pray anymore. I just sit there and say, “God, what more can I ask? What more can I ask of You?”

I’m excited to be coming to Canada in two weeks, to see my family, my friends, to share with people my stories, my pictures, my heart, my life for Kenya. But I also feel like I am abandoning my home in a time of need. What if things break out again while I’m away? What if I’m needed here?

I just need to release what’s building up inside; I need to release the devastation that happened in this country. I need to release the sound of my friend screaming and running for his life. I need to release the thought of women and children being locked in a church and burned alive.

God’s heart is broken in what happened in this country; His tears are far more than we could ever cry. But I know He will get the glory in all of this; I know that at the end of it all, we will be praising Him for all that He has done and for the mercy, grace and love He has poured on us. We may not understand it all but I choose to trust in Him and in His ways.

Love you all!
Meredith
xoxoxoxo