Roller Coaster Love

Maybe I shouldn’t be writing an email/blog on a roller coaster emotional day. This is because I usually end up blabbing, making no sense and/or saying more than I should.

I love this country; I love the people in this country. I get angry with this country; I get angry with the people in this country. But I wouldn’t change a moment in this place. I wouldn’t change the love, the anger, the heartbreak, the joy, the laughter or the tears for anything.

This may come out the wrong way but there are times when I wish I didn’t love the way I do. I look at a child in pain and I come home and cry for them. I look at my street girls and hear their stories, their struggles and my heart aches for them.

I love...I love deeply, passionately and give my all. I understand why we’re told to guard our hearts. My heart has been broken so many times. And it’s not just from a past friendship, a past relationship; it’s from the love that I feel for these Kenyan people, for the children of this country. I have trusted and been deceived; I have befriended and my life been threatened; I have loved and not been loved in return…but I keep coming back for more. I keep loving, never giving up.

This is my home…until God says otherwise. These are the children that I love; that I would honestly die to defend. When the post-election violence came, I understood (although maybe not as purely passionate as a mother/child) the need to protect my children. I understood the “do whatever it takes to make sure my children are secure, are okay and away from harm.” I understood love in a different way, a different level.

So although at times I wish I didn’t love the way I do, it’s who I am and deep down, I’m thankful for that. Are the heartbreaks and the tears worth it all? Absolutely! To hug on a street child; to hold my kids at HBF every weekend, to encourage and hug a grandmother who’s trying to raise her grandchildren….it’s worth it.

My heart will mend….it always does. The tears will dry up…they always do. The love for the people of this beautiful country will never dry up. I can’t wait to see what the future holds in this place. I’m excited to see what God does here; in me, in our ministry/organization and in the people of Kenya.

I hope you all continue to be a part of this roller coaster ride with me.

Love you all,

Meredith

xoxoxo