A Day Full of Questions....

There are moments when I question all I have been taught, all that I have believed in. There are times when I don’t have a single clue as to why things happen the way they do and when they do. There are days when I just want to throw in the towel and say, “what the hell am I doing here?”

On Saturday, Daniel took our visitor Theresa, along with our social worker Anne, on an assessment. It was in the same area as our children’s home, Hope Bright Future (HBF), where the rest of us were, playing with our children, as per every Saturday.

Daniel and the crew arrived back at HBF but they brought with them two little girls: Stella, twelve years old and her extremely sick younger sister, Linda, seven years old. Daniel was carrying Linda in his arms; she looked so ill. I immediately went over to Stella and introduced myself to her, wrapped my arms around her and had her sat beside me. We talked for a few minutes before she went off to play with the other children at the home.

Daniel told me their story.

The grandmother had abandoned the girls a few weeks back. Some people in the community had made a child neglect complaint against the grandmother to the area chief (similar to a town councilor). The area chief summoned the grandmother and when she arrived, her response to the area chief, “I don’t care. Let them die.”

Let them die? My heart sank. Who could do that? Who could leave a twelve year old alone with her very sickly younger sister? I was angry; I was sad; I was broken.

We looked at Linda’s frail body; malnutrition was definitely there. There were sores on her body; her eyelashes curled up, showing signs of severe dehydration. She was in and out of the awareness of her surroundings. Daniel immediately gave her fluids to try to get some hydration back in to her.

I sat with her for awhile; I asked her if she was tired and she nodded her head yes, so I took her to the girl’s room to lie down. All of us “white people” went in to the girl’s room, sat around her on the bed and began to pray for her. What we prayed, I don’t really recall at this moment…but I know that we all felt emotion. We all felt an overwhelming sadness in what we saw lying there on the bed.

Fast forward to today….

Anne, our social worker is meeting Zipporah (the manager of HBF) and Linda at the hospital today. Linda is getting checked out and a possible HIV test….

A bunch of us went for lunch today. When Lauren S and I arrived at the restaurant, I saw friends of ours: Jeff and Carla. They run a baby’s home for abandoned or orphaned babies. When I saw Carla, she was carrying a little boy named Teddy. His mother abused and then abandoned him quite a few months back. The children’s department got Teddy and handed him over to Jeff and Carla’s ministry. The mother was in prison for the abuse and abandonment but somehow, some judge who must’ve been smoking crack that day, allowed the mother custody of Teddy again. She started raising him….IN PRISON. Shortly thereafter, Teddy got sick and so he was taken to the district hospital. It was then that the mother, receiving a hospital bill that she of course could not afford, said that the baby could return to the children’s department and back to Jeff and Carla.

I immediately swooped Teddy in to my arms and held on to me. We made kissy lips at each other; I did blow farts on his face; he nuzzled in to my neck. We were really a good match for each other. :-) Then Carla said, “Come, meet the newbies.” So we went around the corner and there at one of the tables were two little kids. One I knew for sure was a girl, the other, I wasn’t too sure about (later finding out it was a boy with the possible name of Jackson). Jeff and Carla had picked up these two kids today. The girl, not knowing her name, was a cute chubby little thing, the brother, Jackson, was not at all healthy looking. He looked to be about eight months old but based on the teeth in his mouth; he was probably closer to the age of two, similar to his sister’s age.

As the story was told, the father of the children had chased away the mother and then shortly after, abandoned his two children. The girl was strong enough to walk around and leave the house on her own so the neighbours would care for her, give her food and tea….but never knowing that there was a little boy in the house.

He is your typical World Vision looking kid, the extremely scrawny arms, rib cage protruding from his skin and a bulged out belly. I handed Teddy to Lauren S for a moment and picked up Jackson. He immediately cuddled in to my neck and got as close to my skin as he could. The denial and wanting affection was so evident in this little boy. I looked at his sad little face and again was overcome with emotions of anger, sadness and brokenness.

We ended up holding Teddy and Jackson all through our lunch. I thought it was because I wanted to give Carla a break but in actuality, I just wanted a baby to hold, a baby that I could smother complete affection on and cover in kisses.

After our lunch and busy afternoon of shopping and putting the groceries away, I started doing some accounting work. I got a call from Anne…

They’ve admitted Linda in to the hospital. She has severe malaria, severe pneumonia and yes, tested positive for HIV. All the questions started flooding my mind. The question why came up again and again in my head. I lost it. I sat on the chair and burst in to tears. Sean immediately came over and let me cry on his shoulder.

A mother abuses and abandons her child twice. A father abandons his children; one on the brink of starvation. A grandmother says she doesn’t care if her grandchildren die. Who are these people? How could they do this?

I am at a loss of words and at the moment at a loss of hope. When does it end? When does a child stop suffering? I don’t know what else to say right now…my heart is too broken, my words don’t make sense and my mind is all over the place.